Essence
by Bedlam Flux
Summary: [ONESHOT] To lose a loved one means to lose your essence, your reason to live.


_**Well here you go… I hope you like it.**_

_**Disclaimer; I don't own **Twilight**, or **Blink 182**'s lyrics. **_

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It was a brisk winter day, the clouds looming overhead like a covering of sorrow, reflecting the mood of the mourners gathered down below. The scene would have been a tragic kind of lovely, were it any other occasion; the simplicity of the snow covering the white stones that reached up from the ground, the swirling, golden letters scrawled on their surfaces. However, today was not a day for appreciating beauty, but more for appreciating life and how short it really was.

_I swear that I can go on forever again  
Please let me know that my one bad day will end  
I will go down as your lover, your friend  
Give me your lips and with one kiss we begin  
Are you afraid of being alone  
Cause I am, I'm lost without you  
Are you afraid of leaving tonight  
Cause I am, I'm lost without you_

The golden eyed strangers gazed upon the shiny, mahogany coffin as it slowly lowered into the ground, as it disappeared forever beneath feet of dirt. It was a quick ceremony, and the mourners chose not to linger in the cold afternoon, but retreat instead to a nearby home to reminisce. Though, five figures, their skin matching the color of the snow, continued to stay behind.  
Edward Cullen, along with his four brothers and sisters watched as more snow piled atop the tomb stone of one, Isabella Swan.

_I'll leave my room open till sunrise for you  
I'll keep my eyes patiently focused on you  
Where are you now, I can hear footsteps, I'm dreaming  
And if you will, keep me from waking to believe this_

His mind wandered to all the mistakes he had made, to all of the things he wished to take back in their lives. The way she had pleaded to live; with him. The way she had looked just slightly downcast every time he had declined. He wished he could take those things back, to retract them from memory, to just start over. So much pain he had caused her by merely being in her vicinity and so much heartbreak when he was no longer there.

He always knew Bella was strong, and when she had begrudgingly moved on, accepted someone else into her life, it was proof that she was so. Their marriage had been lovely, the ceremony small but sweet, and he had watched the whole time from the shadows, only turning away slightly in hurt when their lips met.

_Are you afraid of being alone  
Cause I am, I'm lost without you  
Are you afraid of leaving tonight  
Cause I am, I'm lost without you  
_

They had lived happily in the city while the new husband worked as a lawyer, and Bella wrote. Her books were amazingly raw, the emotion and intensity bound inside of them, captivating readers. Edward knew all of those feelings came from experience.

He had known of her death before it happened, with the gift of his sister. He had known she and her child would die as she gave birth. The baby girl lived only minutes after her mother, and the husband was left alone. That would be two hearts she'd stolen in her lifetime, three if you counted the wolf.

_Are you afraid of being alone  
Cause I am, I'm lost without you  
Are you afraid of leaving tonight  
Cause I am, I'm lost without you  
Are you afraid of being alone  
Cause I am, I'm lost without you  
Are you afraid of leaving tonight  
Cause I am, I'm lost without you  
_

Now, he watched as the flurry piled higher, not melting around their ankles as it would if they were human. He felt his long dead heart crumbling in his chest, he felt the space it vacated fill with nothing but chaste pain. Although, the only thought running through his mind, was that he had let her go. It was his fault, and his alone.

He couldn't even think the word 'future' without getting the throbbing in his chest. He couldn't breathe without missing the sweet fragrance of her soul. He couldn't muse without thinking of her. He surely couldn't touch the keys of his piano, without feeling her hand on his.

Edward Cullen believed there was nothing ahead for him, and the thought of his own death did cross his mind. Though he had some to live for, he had promised his family to exist; if only for them. And most importantly, he had promised her as well. Though, he couldn't promise that he would be anything more meaningful than an empty shell as time passed.

In all the ways that counted, she had killed him.

_I'm lost without you  
I'm lost without you_

_-----------------------------------------------------_

_**Aw. So this is what happened before my other story, **Celestial Bliss**, which you should check out if you haven't yet. I kind of liked writing this, because I usually don't write in third person. Anyways, let me know what you think about it please, thank you…**_

_**Song; **I'm Lost Without You** by **Blink 182_

_…s…k…y…l…e…r…_


End file.
